Madison Square Garden

After Radio City, I was filled with happiness and excitement for the future. I was starting to look up more, and found more excitement in what the future could bring. I knew one thing for sure: I loved performing. I loved being in an environment where everyone was having a goof time, and the way I could see people standing and singing with me, as I watched their light sticks flashing in the air - it was breathtaking. I remember my fear melting away when I saw everones’s positive reactions.

I didn’t want that feeling to end. So what did I do? I faced my fears and started taking the music I had kept hidden in my song notebook and started trying to upload them to YouTube. My dad and mom had bought me my first guitar, and got me a Scarlett interface, so I could start *attempting* to make music for real.

(You can still find those videos on YouTube -can’t believe I’m sharing this,- but as I write this now, I’ll tell you, I actually looked back at a few of those videos yesterday with one of my producer/manager friends, and my immediate reaction was to cringe at myself and call my old work shit, but she stopped me. She proceeded to tell me that there was nothing wrong with my old videos and that they were actually good. I realized that I was reverting back to the mentality I had when I was suffering from toxic perfectionism. Anyway, when I stopped reacting the way I did, and I actually gave myself a chance to listen to my old work, I laughed a bit at my clumsiness, but then cut myself some slack. No ones journey starts a level 10, it starts at level 0. I used to want to delete the videos off of YouTube, but I don’t want to anymore because it is a reminder of the progress I have made. Slowly, but surely made. Everyones journey is different. So, I keep them there as a reminder of where I started, and where I am now, and in the future I will look back at them with a smile on my face, I’m sure.)

Anyway, fast forward a few months to September(?) of 2019, Garden of Dreams asked me if I wanted to sing the National Anthem at Madison Square Garden for the Rangers “Hockey Fights Cancer” night. My BCF (best cancer friend) Jenna was also invited to participate. Jenna and I met in late 2018 when preparing for their Radio City Show. We became fast friends and face timed all the time after the show. When we found out we were asked to perform, it was an immediate response of YES! We got to meet again finally, months after the first show, at the New Jersey Make A Wish branch where we spent hours practicing and preparing for the night.

Fast forward to November, its the day of the game. Jenna’s family and mine arrived to MSG super early, and we received personalized Rangers jerseys!! We felt so cool, getting a tour of Madison Square Garden, even meeting some of the players, and other behind the scene people. We got our own room to relax and prepare (and eat!) before the performance. It was then we found out that MSG seats 10,000 people, and even more would be watching on TV. Crazy. Totally not overwhelming for my second live performance, easy stuff lol.

We walked onto the ice, immediate screaming, The announcers announced us and we looked around at the thousands of people surrounding us. We took a deep breath, held hands, and I started singing. I started, and then Jenna sang after me. You could hear our nerves in our voices, but nobody cared about that, it wasn’t what mattered in that moment. We went back and forth remembering to breathe as we sung for the countless amount of people watching us. My only thoughts were “hit the high note,” “don’t mess up.” (I actually totally voice cracked right before the high note lol) My edge was taken off when I heard someone scream “F*** cancer” at the top of their lungs, and I tried not to laugh at that moment. We finished off the national anthem, and immediately hugged. We were so proud of ourselves, as we saw thousands of people screaming for us, and cheering us all on, waving their papers saying why they support the fight against cancer. It was incredible. The cameras panned over everyone, as we walked off the arena and to our seats.

We had seats in one of the lounge boxes, where yummy food and friends were waiting for us. We were full of absolutely incredible feelings. When we were walking around the arena during halftime I was stopped by person and person fist bumping me, and telling me how they were proud of me, and how I did a great job. I felt really special, and like everyone in the arena became one in the feeling of support against a difficult time.

We spent the rest of the night watching hockey, talking with our friends and family, and eating some amazing food. I went to school the next day wearing the jersey, and my school principal stopped me to tell me how he saw me singing the night before. He scolded me for not telling him about it so he could brag about it on the school social media pages, which was really sweet. I kept to myself a good amount, so the thought of my school knowing about what I was doing was crazy to me, as I was scared of what people would think of me. I don’t know why I was anxious about it though, because when I performed at Radio City, he told everyone about it, and a lot of people at school tuned in to watch it. I walked through the hallways of my high school, and would go to class, as people told me they thought the night before was incredible.

Looking back at it now, I wish I wasn’t so scared to accept my peers support, but now I find myself in a position where I am grateful for it, even if I didn’t know how to handle it back then. We all go through a lot of changes as we grow up, and I am glad I have become someone not afraid to be seen in front of others, and someone who is happy to receive other’s support.

Samantha Jean <3

sj@samanthajeanmusic.com